I hate when old-me reminds present-me what my ideals were.
I also know that we all change and grow up, in our own ways, and our mindsets change over time, I feel I’ve grown complacent and accepting towards things that I’ve despised for years. Consumerism, corporate nonsense, capitalist gobbledegook, governmental twaddle, news-spin, business-oriented totalitarianism: it makes me sick.
Accepting it as part of modern life has made me sick. Accepting this sickness is a mistake I have made unwittingly by allowing so much crap to filter through as I’ve tried to integrate further in a society that “needs” money.
I had to move, change country, find a job, meet new people… And I’ve done all that – more, even. Yet, somewhere in my mind something was wrong about it all.
The sickness I’ve brought on myself has really made itself felt recently. No energy, needing time off work despite having no problems there… It’s a mental sickness that has made itself felt on the rest on my body through anxiety, panic attacks, unnecessary worries constantly on my mind…
I’ve met great people though, many with something to teach or give of their own free will. I’ve met others who only make me sad to think I share a planet with them.
Some people give meaning to their lives by being and doing the best they can; others strive to destroy what and who they can.
Me? I like seeing the good in people, but I cut the crap out of my life easily when I’ve had enough. Anything and anyone sapping my energy gets isolated until I figure out what’s wrong and I can do anything about it. If I can’t: bye.
Yet I forgot that the biggest sickness, the greatest waste of time and energy, that which causes me the most stress, the most hurt, is today’s twisted excuse of a civilised society.
PS. I wrote this on paper yesterday morning. By the same evening, this became all too poignant as all hell broke loose in another part of my life. Needless to say I took my own advice and cut the crap.