Still getting back on my feet

I must be messed up in my head on a very deep level. It’s either this or I’m now refusing to jump heart first into things.

My last relationship has scarred me for sure. I got back with my ex for a month before opening my eyes to the fact I can’t deal with a long distance relationship. Let me backtrack a second:

Jan 4th 2013: The day before coming back for Uni. Party that evening to say bye to my friends again. My ex and I are back on friendly terms and I was dropping her and another friend back to their homes that night. Evening plays out great. I drop my ex off first. As i drop my other friend back home, she texts me asking if I want to go back and chat a bit. I say yes. 2 hours later we finish making out on the back seat of my car.

“GREAT! Well done!”

No. This wrecked me. It wrecked the friendship we had going. Within 2 weeks we were back to arguing. A couple of weeks ago I realised that what I need is time and energy to study, to get my degree – not be in a difficult long distance relationship.

Only now it’s got to the stage where I keep thinking the same thing about every relationship I could get into, regardless of how near the person lives. I’m not myself right now. Granted, I’ve never been the most outgoing person ever, but never this bad. I never second guessed myself about asking someone out or making out with them randomly (if the situation for both people involved allowed this) in the past. I guess I’m still picking up the pieces of me, of the person I am, the person I want to be.
I can’t make myself out to be someone I’m not just to be in a relationship. I need a breath of fresh air. I need to be me. How much longer will this take?

PW )O(

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3 thoughts on “Still getting back on my feet

  1. Sometimes that’s all you really need is to take a step back for You and Life and take those nice long inhalations of fresh air. You do what you need to and don’t worry so much about the rest. It all will eventually fall into place in its own time. *hugs*

    ~Gwen

  2. Thanks for the support Gwen! 🙂
    I’ll have to work on letting time work things out for me. I’m not usually much good at that.

    PW )O(

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